Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So much rum. So many feels.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i out mim tonsoeep
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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