My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
