Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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