A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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