Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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