I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
