I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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