it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
