he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize