Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
