Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
we're so committed to being not committed
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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