Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He felt like a one man threesome
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
