I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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