i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
