I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
