She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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