you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
