I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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