The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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