my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
