We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
