And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
