I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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