so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
