also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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