i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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