I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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