tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
soo... how was my night?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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