I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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