Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
