you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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