You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Mom said you looked used
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
