I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize