But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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