i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
