woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
