so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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