I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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