i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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