How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
