he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize