Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
