Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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