I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
