everyone is single if you try hard enough
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
