whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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