"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
