I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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