I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
