Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
