I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
