I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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