One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
they need to just BURY HIM!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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