apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
