Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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