she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
