It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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