i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
