can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I would ride that face into the sunset
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
