You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
