I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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