so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
