Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
