I am spending my child support on dildos
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize