I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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