Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she told me i tasted like america
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
