I just cut my nipple shaving
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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