Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We are all done wearing pants today
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
