Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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