Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
please come you make the beer taste better
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
