I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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