the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
