I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize