I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it's like iHOP with fire
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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