He had one of those small greek statue penises
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
