She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
