theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
