if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
