He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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