maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
