I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
