screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
