They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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