I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You made out with two different species that night
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
