You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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