i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
