i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
