i just had sex bonerless
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
