I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
