question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
