He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Come see our sink grown plant.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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