i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
