Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have aggressive nipples.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
