I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
my liver is dry heaving
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
