i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
