you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Be still, my beating vagina.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
