All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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