am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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