I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
