So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How does it feel to date your dad?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
