Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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