Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The air was thick with penises
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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