i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
