She is in my trunk
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
