Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
