All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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