i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
