If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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