I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
