Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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