It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize