Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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