Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
