I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
