Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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